Happy Birthday Mom!!!

In honor of my Mother's birthday, I thought I'd take some time to share a few things about her, explain how she's influenced my life, and express how I feel about her (seeing as how I'm her favorite child and all!).

Theresa Yvonne, born January 21, 19....... is a Mother of three; Brianna, Brittany(the coolest), and Brandon, and Wife to Mike. After finishing school and before starting her life as a Mother, Theresa joined the Army to serve her country and got to travel all around the world. After the military she became wifey, working woman, and Mom. To this day she is still all three of those things, doing awesome in each category.

My Mother has gone through hell and back, faced adversities, bleak income, bad neighborhoods, truly tough times, but always provided for her children. She is beautiful, strong, giving, caring, smart, funny(sometimes), and thoughtful. I am who I am today because of who she is. You truly don't know the hard work and sacrifice that goes in to being a parent, a single parent at that, until you become one in my opinion. Now that I am one I realize the mountains my Mother climbed, the oceans she swam, and the load she carried on her back as she did so just to give her kids lives of fulfillment and minimal lack of want. She is a person I can always count on no matter what the circumstances. She'd give me the shirt off of her back if I needed it without hesitation. People of that magnitude are hard to come by these days in our society. Even friends would agree to her generosity. She's pretty much the only consistency I've had in my life and for her I am thankful.

One day hopefully I can show you the amount of dedication and love that you've shown me Mom. No nursing home for you when you get old!! Thanks for putting up with my crap and my kid's crap! Oh and thanks for the "good hair"! Love you!!!!

So whats the fine print?

Can someone please explain to me why in today's society, people (typically men) see a woman with kids and practically run in the other direction? Granted there are women out there that are shady and lazy who are looking for someone to take care of them and be a Daddy to their kids, but in my experience the single Mothers I know including myself aren't even on that tip.

This issue seems to be one I keep encountering in this thing we like to call "dating". As we get older and find ourselves still searching or re-searching for the right one, its more likely that you'll meet people who have been married or have had kids. The statistics are just higher the higher in age. But why are these things looked at like such a huge negative?

Let me just set the record straight! I am the woman I am because of the woman I am, not because I have kids or because of the past relationships I've been in. Sure you can it baggage, but really who doesn't have some? It all depends on how you carry it in my opinion. I like to carry mine like a soldier; Properly supported on my back, not dragging on the floor behind me or weighing down my arms in front of me.

Perhaps men see a woman with kids and automatically tie negative characteristics to her. Like she's easy, she's irresponsible, she's needy.....but actually in my defense its all the complete opposite. A single Mother is automatically a pillar of strength. She created and is caring for a life other than her own. Regardless of the circumstances in which the child was conceived, it was kept. Responsibility was taken and owned up to. A Mother is selfless, any which way you look at it. She gives to her children before ever taking for herself. She's a nurturer, she's a lover, she's the ideal candidate of what a woman in her circumstances should be.

So please tell me why when men meet an attractive woman, mid twenties, with what seems like a good head on her shoulders, her having a child/children is her "fine print"? In my opinion a woman that is attractive, mid twenties, good head on her shoulders, and has kid being interested in you would make you one lucky son of a gun! If you see yourself as anything BUT that, keep it pushin'! Cuz there's nothing wrong with me for being a single Mother of two. I consider myself just ahead of the game....maybe you should take some notes and try to get on my level. I turn lemons into lemonade. How many people do you know that can do that? A single Mother turns adversity into happiness. She should be looked upon as a CATCH. Period.

Now That Just Doesn't Seem Right

It's been a while since I've written a blog entry. Part of that is because I haven't had something happen to where I felt I needed to write about it and another part is because with two kids and a job, I haven't really had the time even if something did happen. But as of recently I find myself with not only something significant to write about, but the time needed to do so.

Some of you knew I had been looking for a job practically the whole summer since Spring Semester at school had ended. Took me until August to actually land one and it wasn't exactly what I had hoped for but shoot, I was gonna take what I could get. I was a front desk receptionist for one of the highest ranked Salons in Orange County. Hours wise it was ideal for me because they were flexible, not too terrible of a drive, and most holidays off. Pay wise, it was a struggle but like I said, I was gonna take what I could get.

In the beginning things were pretty good. The duties of a front desk employee at a busy salon were more than I had originally expected but multi-tasking and dealing with different personality individuals is something I happen to be very good at, so I picked up the job pretty quickly. What I didn't expect was some of the events that came about in the months that followed...

First would be the fact that I would be blamed for things that weren't my fault. Before investigations in the matter were conducted, accusation were already made. I'm honestly not the type of person who won't admit to mistakes, especially if they negatively effect someone else but at least make sure it was MY mistake before rep remanding me. It felt like because I was the new girl, I was made the scape goat for things that didn't go right. I would take it upon myself to look further into the situation and ask all parties involved what happened and I can't tell you how many times the conclusion was that it wasn't my fault at all. But hey, as long as I knew I had done no wrong I thought it was gonna be OK. It wasn't.

Second, it was expected that I act a certain way because I was part of the "front desk crew". This meant not befriending 'trouble makers' or those the management didn't necessary like, keeping an open ear to things being said around the salon so I could pass it on to those interested in hearing it, and to go along with the thinking of everyone else in the front. I'm sorry but I can't choose my own friends? Gossip? Not have my own opinions? Have you lost your mind? That certainly wasn't me and because I was unwilling to change that, it didn't sit too well with management.

Lastly and in my opinion, most importantly was the racism and ignorance that I experienced. Now trust, I've had my fair share of racist comments throughout my life, but never in a work place and never from so many different people. First it was fried chicken jokes, then asking why my son looks "white", then accusing me of having an attitude because I'm black and I hate white people(Hi. My mother is white but OK....), and when an anonymous client called to complain about a receptionist being unfriendly and making her feel bad about herself when she came in describing that employee as having dark hair and big eyes...I was the only person the salon felt met that description. I don't know about you, but if I were to describe myself, my complexion might have made the list. But I guess that's just me.... I'm not even going to list the comments made by clients because well...there would be too many. All the instances mentioned were done by salon co-workers and were any of these people written up or fired? Nope. Some weren't even talked to about it at all.

Despite all of these things I've listed I still continued working there doing the best at my job as I could. Bullshit and immaturity isn't going to stop me from doing what I was being paid to do or stop me from rising above. I'm not a quitter nor do I run away from things when they are less than pleasant. The world isn't pleasant so if that was the case I'd be running forever. The runner in this family is my sister, not I! ha ha! But unfortunately none of that mattered because they let me go anyways. Had me come work on my day off and at the end of my shift, pulled me in to the office and proceeded to feed me lines of crap of why I wasn't working out. None of which had anything to do with my performance as a front desk receptionist. To put it mildly, I am pissed. I am confused. I know not everything in life will make sense, but there's just too much about this that just doesn't seem right....

What are your opinions? What would you do if you were in my shoes?

Tell Him I Love Him...

As most of you know my Father was taken too soon from this world when I was only seventeen years old. He left behind three Daughters, a Son, a Wife, and a Step-Daughter.

Recently I found out sad news that my Step-Sister, Andrea who was the same age as myself was taken from us last year. She had been in a car accident that tragically took her life seven days later. She happened to be buried on my father's Anniversary date of his death eight years later. She lays to rest beside him.

When my Dad first told me he had a new girlfriend it didn't really phase me because if you knew my Dad, you knew him to be some what of a ladies man. But once they wed I knew this woman and her daughter would be an addition to my family. I was happy to hear that I'd be getting a sister my same age. Although close in years, Andrea was nothing like me. She was skinny and quiet. She didn't have many friends, didn't really play any sports, but we got along just the same. When I would go over to their house we'd spend hours talking about how crappy girls could be, how immature boys were, and how we wished our boobs would grow. Mine still haven't but that's besides the point.

After the death of my Father we lost touch for years only to reconnect through Myspace. She filled me in on her life, I on mine. She gave me news on how my little brother, who is now thirteen was doing and we made plans for the three of us to hang out. I had expressed to her how I had been jealous she got my Dad's gold Acura and we laughed about how she didn't even like driving it. Suddenly our emails to each other stopped and I didn't know why. Well now I do, and I'm sorry to hear the reason.

Death is such a horrible part of life, but if ever there was someone to spend eternity with my Father is the best company. Please tell him I love him with all my heart, I miss him terribly, and I hope I make him proud. Rest In Love Andrea.

cuz I'm keepin' it....cuz I'm keepin' it real!

Now I wasn't gonna address this because it seemed somewhat elementary to give attention to....but people seem to be getting things twisted so let me take a minute to set the record straight!

If there's one thing I've learned these past few years, it's that it is POINTLESS giving emotion towards things you can not control, longer than you have to. What is the purpose of getting mad over something that wasn't meant to be a part of your life? Why stay salty at someone because they didn't do what you wanted them to? It's a waste of precious time and much needed energy. Now I have not perfected the art of not giving a damn or brushing my shoulder off....but I've made progress. So as someone who was once a dweller, let me pass this little bit of advice on to those who seem to be "hating", GET OVER IT!

If you're a dude that wanted to holler, yet I didn't give you the time of day or didn't follow you're plan of wifey'n me up, too freaking bad! Don't get mad at me, get mad at yourself for spending so much time trying to change me. You weren't the one. Take your loses and carry on with some dignity and self respect. Crying to me about how you saw things and how wonderful they would have been had I of given it a chance will only fall on deaf ears. The heart wants what it wants and I'm sorry, but that wasn't you. Kick, kick, kick rocks!

If you're a ex-friend that is no longer a friend and you're mad about that.....build a bridge and...well you know the rest. There's no ill emotions from me towards you. I will always hold a little place in my heart for you because you were once a big part of my life, but there's no point in being fake and saying things are something they are not. We're adults, lets all act like it. If I'm asked about you, there will only be good things from my mouth, is it so much to ask for the same? If you really hate me that much, I will pray for you. Cuz it's a shame to live life with hate in your heart. I wish you only the best and good things for your days to come. But really, the talking about me when I'm not around and the anonymous comments on my blog need to stop. I will always love you but things are the way the are now for a reason....I'm happy. Go get your happy too!

Lastly, for those that don't even know me yet want to speak about me like they do......seriously? I mean I'm a cool person and all but I'm not that interesting to have you talk about me like I am. I'm not sure if it's purely jealousy or envy....maybe even hate. Whatever the case may be, its not worth it. Only makes you look dumb. I like to try and be the bigger person, doesn't always happen but I try. This is just me trying to help you out. Move on to something that will better your life, not waste your time. I couldn't care less about your opinions or comments about me. Very few truly know me and I can put money on the fact that you're not one of them.

So in conclusion, we're all grown people. Act your age, not your shoe size. Spread love, not hate. Life is too short for all this nonsense. Have a good life :)

It's kinda like my Birthday too!!

Today, five years ago....I actually think around 12 something in the morning I gave birth to a pale skinned, dark haired, 8 pound, 2 ounces, and 23 freaking inched baby boy!!!! His coming in to this world was a true test of my love for him....

My pregnancy was a roller coaster of events to say the least. Once we found out I was pregnant, his Father was shipped off to do a second tour in Iraq, leaving me to go through the first and most of the second trimester by myself. Experiencing the morning sickness, first kicks, ultrasounds, finding out it was a boy...all by my lonesome. Then when it was time for Ty to come out, he decided he wanted to hang out a little longer......a whole week and a half longer! My Doctor and I were ready for him to come out so I was induced. The morning of my induction, as I headed out the door to grab some good ole' healthy Taco Bell, my water broke. I decided to still go to Taco Bell!!! Shoot I had waited how long for him?? He definitely could wait 10 minutes for me to grab a bite! So once we finally got to the hospital my contractions were underway. I didn't care who came to stop by, who was saying what to me....all I cared about was when the contraction was coming and when it was ending. By the time I finally got my epidural I was 10 centimeters and ready to start pushing. Only one problem...every time I did his heart rate dropped. At first they made it seem like not a big problem, then all of the sudden I had people rushing in and out of my room that I hadn't seen the whole time I was there. They made everyone leave and told me in the calmest voice possible "Ma'am, the baby isn't doing too well with the pushing. We're gonna need to take him out right away via C-Section." ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?!?! That was the only chapter in the pregnancy books I didn't bother reading. Never did I imagine it would happen to me. So after my dramatic conversation with my Mother that started off with "In case I die....." I was being wheeled off to the ER to finally get this baby out. A quick 35 minutes later I heard my son cry for the first time. It was the most beautiful noise a Mother will hear (besides first laughs, I love you's, and thanks Mom!). Once Ty wasn't blue anymore, I got to actually see him, smell him, and kiss him. Story was he had the cord wrapped around his neck and wrist so every time I pushed, he was getting choked out. Scary stuff let me tell you!!

Honestly, that hot day in August didn't just mark the day of my son's birth, but also my re-birth. Up until I became his Mother I was unsure of my purpose, confused about my direction in life, and walking the thin line of smart and not so smart decision making. I felt for the first time in a long time, I was truly alive. Everything from that day till the present has not just been to better myself, but to give him better than I give myself. I call him my Savior because he has truly saved my life from where it could have been headed. Even the worst of days are made better by his high pitched Mickey Mouse voice, silly laughter, random questions that no matter how you answer will always be followed by several Whys, his skinny little frame, big beautiful eyes, and awful dance moves. The love I have for my son is immeasurable and can barely be described. Words just don't seem to do it justice. I pray one day he will grow up and be able to understand his impact on my life. I love you Ty Courtney! Happy Birthday Son!

What About Your Friends??

If someone asked me whether or not I felt like I had a lot of friends, my response up until last week would have been YES. I say up until last week because I had been faced with the task of finding a ride home from the airport and had to think of who to call to pick me up. Normally this wouldn't seem like such a difficult task, but you can't just ask any old Joe Shmoe to drive to LAX for you. Its a favor for those you feel close enough to impose on. When I went down the list in my mind, I could only come up with about two people I felt close enough to even ask and still felt bad for doing so. Only two?? How the heck did that happen? Well I'll tell you.....

Since about the 6th grade I've had the same group of best friends consisting of about five girls. We hung out all through middle school, joined the cheer leading squad in high school, rode in the same limo to school dances, all our boyfriends were friends, each was present for birthday celebrations, holidays, special events, even after we graduated we still remained a cliche' little group called 'SMD'. But it wasn't until this last year or so I really started to look at our friendships for what they really were...which were actually not real friendships at all. Sure they were around for the good times, fun times, drinking times....but when things were bad or life was real they were no where to be found.

Based on this new found information I cut my ties. I happen to be educated enough to know what real friendships are suppose to consist of, look like, and most importantly feel like. These empty titles made me feel like crap. I deserved better. These girls, as wonderful as they might have been, were not a good representation of who I was and what I believed in. I feel it was more of 'well you're popular and I'm popular so it just makes sense.' That was the WRONG reason to be someones friend.

Since this awakening I can honestly say I have like...two girlfriends but not one best friend. Is that such a horrible thing? Perhaps not because life will still continue on, but I do believe everyone should at least have one bestie. The void of a best friend hadn't really crossed my mind because I've learned to handle things on my own and at times even talk to myself, answering my own questions, but it really didn't hit me until I almost didn't have a ride home from the airport!! Why could this be? I feel like I'm a nice person, good friend to have, honest, giving....why am I without a true best friend? Is it something I lack or am I just befriending the wrong people?

At the age of 2*mumbles* I'd really like to find at least one girlfriend that you can just tell anything to, rely on, and bond with. Friendship is such a beautiful thing...I see the relationships between my sister and her best friends and I'm like...wow! I really need that! Seems to be the only thing lacking in my life right now. But I'll tell you this, I'd rather not have one single friend than have five that are not worthy of the honor. Quality, not quantity. So for now I'll just wait....patiently....and pray God sends me that one best friend I can grow old with.