Sunday, March 7, 2010

Two Going on Twenty!!

Today marks the second year my Daughter, Tristin Marie Matalasi has been born. I've said it before and I'll say it a million times more; My Son saved my life, but my Daughter completed it.

I had always planned in my mind to have a girl. I'm not exactly sure why, but the thought of dressing her up (in purple, not pink), doing her hair, and having "girl" bonding moments always seemed like something I wanted. After news that my first child would be a boy, I knew I would try again some day for a little girl. When the news that I was pregnant again came about, the first thought in my head was "I hope its a Girl!". It's sad for me to admit that I knew I'd feel lowkey sad if I were to have another boy. Of course that feeling would pass because you love and want your children no matter what, but my heart was selfish and wanted a girl. Even after the first sex ultrasound said it was a she, I was still in disbelief. There's no way I, Brittany Glenn, would actually be getting what I wanted so easily. I'd know for sure ONLY when she was born.

Now her birth was a planned C-Section since I had previously had one four years prior. You think that would be less stressful seeing as how you wouldn't just be waiting around for the contractions to happen or your water to break, but let me just be honest and say that it was not. Knowing when your child is to be brought in to this world is one of the most stressful things you could ever go through. I didn't sleep a wink the night before. Having to get that epidural with no help from painful contractions or adrenalin masking the massive shot in your spine, makes you feel every single poke. Unlucky for me they put the numbing medicine up too high which caused me trouble breathing. Needless to say once she was pulled out I got about 5.2 seconds to actually spend with her before they started stitching me back up! Just long enough to snap a picture. First things outta my mouth were "IS IT A GIRL??" Finally, I could accept the fact, she was indeed, the girl I had been waiting for. 8 pounds, 1 ounce, 19 inches of beautiful baby. Although at first, she did resemble a baby gorilla....she soon grew out of that stage. Hey, I keep it real! Not all babies are born cute! haha

To give you a brief description of Tristin: She's black, white, and Samoan. Tristin was chosen for her first name because I wanted it to be a T like my Son's and the fact that I asked my cousin Tristin to be her Godmother just made sense. Her first middle name is Marie after my Sister's middle name, and her second is MATALASI which means BEAUTIFUL in Samoan. To me..it suits her perfectly. The girl loves to eat...I mean LOVES!! She'd eat all the time if I'd let her. She dances extremely well, she pretends to sing, and her favorite phrase at the moment is 'shut up'. Nice right?? Now I know all parents say this about their kids, but she is smart. Very smart for a girl who just turned two. She pays attention to her surroundings and the people in it attentively, mimicking everything everyone does and says. Sometimes that's a bad thing so we gotta watch ourselves haha.

With all that said, girl has attitude. She is a force to be reckoned with! My Mother always told me I'd have a child who was ten times worse than myself as a child, as my punishment for what I put her through. Her words couldn't have rang more true! God gave me what I wanted, a girl, but he made her tough as nails! She is just such a strong female and although she bullies her older Brother (poor Ty), I know when she gets older nothing will stop her from being whatever she wants to be. I won't have to worry about her being weak or persuadable, she will be a leader. I hope she gets some of that from me...and not just the attitude or the fact that she loves food :) She is my Princess, my Mini Me...she completed mine and Ty's little family and if I acquire nothing else in life it will be just fine because I have everything that I need!

Mommy loves you Tristin!! Happy Birthday <3








Monday, March 1, 2010

Can't Help Feeling Like I've Failed...

So like so many of you know, I am a single Mother. As such there's things I must provide; food, clothing, shelter, unconditional Love....just to name a few essentials. But there's other things expected that because you're doing so much on your own, you sometimes can't do.

This weekend happens to be my Daughter's second birthday..and because of just starting my job, bills, and other miscellaneous things I can't really afford to throw her the type of party I'd like to. To be honest with you...its taring me up inside. My Mother (who was also a single parent) tells me all the time that we all go through it, she will have fun no matter what she does, or she won't remember she didn't have a party...and there's a part of me that knows what she's saying is true but it doesn't take the feeling away. It feels like I've failed her on her special day.

Just like every other parent, you want to give your children anything and everything. You especially want to give them everything you didn't have as a child. Well so far, even though I'm a young Mother, that plan isn't working out too well and you're really reminded of it when an occasion like this comes up. But we'll do something, she'll get lots of hugs and kisses, eat some birthday cake, and probably have a wonderful day not even realizing she's gone without anything.....but I'll know. For now I just pray next year will be different and I can do something to trump and make up for this year.

Anyone else ever feel this way? Let me know I'm not alone haha