This issue seems to be one I keep encountering in this thing we like to call "dating". As we get older and find ourselves still searching or re-searching for the right one, its more likely that you'll meet people who have been married or have had kids. The statistics are just higher the higher in age. But why are these things looked at like such a huge negative?
Let me just set the record straight! I am the woman I am because of the woman I am, not because I have kids or because of the past relationships I've been in. Sure you can it baggage, but really who doesn't have some? It all depends on how you carry it in my opinion. I like to carry mine like a soldier; Properly supported on my back, not dragging on the floor behind me or weighing down my arms in front of me.
Perhaps men see a woman with kids and automatically tie negative characteristics to her. Like she's easy, she's irresponsible, she's needy.....but actually in my defense its all the complete opposite. A single Mother is automatically a pillar of strength. She created and is caring for a life other than her own. Regardless of the circumstances in which the child was conceived, it was kept. Responsibility was taken and owned up to. A Mother is selfless, any which way you look at it. She gives to her children before ever taking for herself. She's a nurturer, she's a lover, she's the ideal candidate of what a woman in her circumstances should be.
So please tell me why when men meet an attractive woman, mid twenties, with what seems like a good head on her shoulders, her having a child/children is her "fine print"? In my opinion a woman that is attractive, mid twenties, good head on her shoulders, and has kid being interested in you would make you one lucky son of a gun! If you see yourself as anything BUT that, keep it pushin'! Cuz there's nothing wrong with me for being a single Mother of two. I consider myself just ahead of the game....maybe you should take some notes and try to get on my level. I turn lemons into lemonade. How many people do you know that can do that? A single Mother turns adversity into happiness. She should be looked upon as a CATCH. Period.
7 comments:
BOY DO I FEEL YOU ON THIS!!!!! When I became I single mother I though to myself "oh boy...great! nobody's going to want to date me'' but I had friends assure me that a lot of men don't care, but I have come to find out that they DO care! I actually had a guy cancel a date on me when I told him I had a baby! I was so shocked....then I have the guys that always ask me when is ur son going with his dad? and that really bothers me for some reason. What if my son never went with his dad?! would u not EVER want to hang out?! I just realized that those type of guys are not looking for what I'm looking for, they just want to have FUN and so they can keep having their fun...I will have even better fun with my SON =) hang in there Brit, I get lonely often but God has a plan for us, I promise.
in my opinion trying to go out with any one that has more then 1 kid is not even worth it. specially if theres more then one baby daddy...to much drama, its hard to have alone time....the list goes on...
im not saying that single moms are lazy or anything bad like that...
Amen Claud! God has something great in store indeed!!
Anon- what makes it not "worth it" to you? Them having a Father, or Fathers shouldn't be of your concern. As long as the Mother has a healthy appropriate relationship with the Dad, everything should be all good.
I honestly don't think it has to do with the woman. I think it may have to do with the responsibility. Some guys just aren't ready for kids and even though you're the one with the child/children, there is an added pressure to not only be a good fit for you but also your child/children. They'd be entering a ready-made family and some guys just aren't ready for that. So I wouldn’t take it personal if I were you. I’d just see it as the guy not being ready to handle the responsibility of dating a woman with a child/children.
You Say: "Can someone please explain to me why in today's society, people (typically men) see a woman with kids and practically run in the other direction?"
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Yes,I can explain it to you.
But the answer....(you know)
A woman with kids, from several different baby daddy's is not exactly Cinderella!
Such is society that we live in!
We men have been brainwashed that Cinderella is to be our wife. Same with your sister and maybe you too, she and you think Prince Charming is just around the corner!
I hear what you're saying Dana. And I try not to take it personal. If that's truly how they feel then thats fine, but a woman shouldn't be taken out of the running just because she has kids you know? Like, all things won't even be considered because of that one factor. I don't feel that's right.
Answer, although my sister and I are alike or similar in a lot of ways, we are also VERY different. Or ideas of "Prince Charming" are not the same. She has her own list of what makes a man undesirable or undateable. I can almost put money that her list is longer than mine and consists of things I wouldn't even have thought of. Now that isn't a bad thing in any sense of the word, she's a woman that knows what she wants. But I also know that if the man possessed all qualities of the man of her dreams, but he had children, she'd more than likely make an exception. My sister, like few others in our age range realize God sends you blessing in packages sometimes you don't expect. Who are we to deny such a blessing because the wrapping isn't what we had previously imagined?
Well what if someone said to you (5-6 months ago), brittany you're amazing and I'd really like to have the chance to take you out. I'm also fully aware of your children and I would love to get to know them as well......
You say "I'd love to, but I'm in a crazy place but if I weren't in the crazy place I would totally date you. Its not you its me." A month later....you have a boyfriend.
.....So I guess it was me afterall.
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